I am a dreamer. I have been for the longest time. My head is a literal think tank…where I am always coming up with ideas.some good ,some that require a good lawyer to do the damage control,ask my ex..some embarrassing, some insightful. Yesternight,I lay awake trying to figure out what resolutions I had for the year that is soon to end and how well I’ve achieved them.Truth be told,I cant remember..it must have been something to do with being more religious, being more social or being more industrious. How well have I achieved them.. ?The never ending drama in my life must have crowded that so maybe not so well.
2015…no resolutions for me..maybe just sought out the rumble in my head.I always wonder if there is a really really smart person out there who knows the answers to everything,with 100% certainty.At some point, even the likes of Albert Einstein must have had a moment of self doubt. Maybe meeting this person would make life way easier.Being a dreamer is not easy.WE see things on a whole new perspective .I have my wedding and perfect boyfriend planned out on Pinterest..while in reality I do not have an actual boyfriend and my relationship with men has been something close to explosive,literally.Speaking of relationships,I am tired of reading magazines,the never ending movies and Facebook statuses on love. Should we brainstorm or something?My Pinterest says I should dump him then I should not let go ,which is which…its all so confusing.Clearly,someone should put finding a soul mate in the millennium development goals and save us all the trouble.In the meantime,I will continue being in a complicated relationship with Brad Paisley,Alan Jackson and Daughtry..the complicated part being they are not even aware of my existence.
In 2015,I want to have the ability to switch from deep and insightful to shallow and superficial once in a while #also read blonde.It is very conflicting to have a skeptical mind and a sentimental heart.It always ends in drama.And the worst drama-queens are the smart ones. You do not reason with a dreamer,so fall in love with one at your own peril.We sit down ,plan and execute.Normally, it never really ends well.I have a friend who has breakup ADD. It does not matter,if she dumped you or you did..she just does not take breakups very well.And not even the numerous articles on how to move on with her dignity intact can help.For her its,dignity out of the window…lets deal with this A*****e then we can discuss the consequences later.And she will haunt you…you better pray its not that time of the month coz not even a security bill will save you .I am cut from the same cloth.Birds of a feather do flock together after all.In our heads,we are healing the world of the menace that has become Kenyan men.Fighting for the female gender.Most people don’t get it.They find it a bit extreme.But someone has to talk out for the millions of ladies who want to say it but would rather not.Thing about being shallow,conversations are easier..the sun rises and sets.Its that simple.A skeptical person..will bring in theories,religion,energies of life and nature,into what was supposed to be a simple conversation..making the other party who is most likely blank very uncomfortable.
I will try not to give an opinion even when it is clearly uncalled for ,like why i think your kind of music is immature.. There must be a reason why silence is golden
I will also hold my birthday as a private affair, simple logic ….because age is catching up.This becomes apparent when you have more and more people, setting goals to achieve when they attain your age.PS.it is not kind..some of us ARE there. I do not take it kindly when people confirm your age and they give you a ‘you are growing old ,start investing in the stock market’ kind of look.When I was 12,I had this dream that 25 would be my stability age.The perfect picture..of a working professional..and maybe later a happy mother…with a picture perfect husband,,and a vacation in the Bahamas. You never realize how much of a struggle life is until you’ve hit..21,with a few more years in the shelf before graduating, in an extremely competitive world where jobs are hard to find as it is.As for finding a picture perfect husband,in the real world boys don’t run to the airport and stop you from flying out just because they cant live without you.(That is my idea of a perfect picture husband and yes I am aware that I will die single)You will be lucky to get a “have a safe flight message”. With the recent social status..the situation is more of disturbed mothers rather than happy ones.You narrow your vacation dreams to Mombasa,and even then you have to wait for security to stabilize .
It is a chaotic life.So instead of setting resolutions..I will probably never remember. I am planning on living more from intention than habit. I will not wish away perfectly good days wishing for better ones ahead. Less drama, less worrying and more living. Each dawn, will be a new day,to seek more opportunities,learn something different, smile more and live more. Show an actual interest in my studies that goes past exams.A good laugh,a dance,an occasional walk,maybe even buy a book more often or smile for the camera more .If its meant to be ,it will be..because eventually everything happens because fate had it so and it had a divine definition.
To all those, in my revenge plan for the year,…..keep praying the positivity lasts long enough to clear off my memory.